why am i blogging and not studying? hmmm, when the urge comes, it comes. i had a good evening yesterday. in fact, studying with inn and her engine friends was pretty enjoyable too, they're hilarious and even though inn doesnt know it yet, she'll learn to appreciate them 1 day more than she expects.

no one is ever really happy with their lives, it's just simply ironic how her probs and mine are the exact reverse. i've also come to realise that since jc, i have never really invested in a friendship that i would consider deep or entirely emotionally significant. not that i do not appreciate the friends that i do have now, dun get me wrong, except that, i think the barrier i'm putting up around me keeps building up as i grow older. perhaps it's the experiences i had in the past that have made me like this, it's really difficult to forget the scars of the past, how easy it is to trust people and how difficult it is to pick oneself up after that trust is breached. so much so that it's actually tiring sometimes to invest in friendships, esp newer 1s that you never had previously. n you wonder sometimes, is the effort you put actually worth what you get in return? it's not like it's an exchange you see, it's just... ... tiring.

of course i'm probably guilty of the above as well, some friends would probably consider me a tiring friend to keep, and sometimes i do not blame them. so how do you work around this? not all friendships are equal, not all friendships are equally mutual, even more so, not every friendship is secure. everyone is so caught up with socialising that sometimes, individual friendships are seemingly difficult to forge. perhaps that is the reason why my emotional "back-ups" will never be newer friends and hence no friendship in the future that i invest in would ever be considered really emotionally significant. do i even make sense now. haha.

perhaps it doesnt really matter. perhaps the old friends are all that you need sometimes. last night was pretty much proof of that. which made me really really happy. apart from the nice top i bought too. :)

as cofm would have it: at late adolescence, peer group relationships are replaced by individual friendships. amen to that.